|Season 2, Episode 5a|
|Historical Figure/Event||Blackbeard and Socrates|
|Time||1719 and 399 BC|
|Place||The Caribbean and Ancient Greece|
|Aired||June 14, 2002|
|Storyboards by||Kurt Dumas|
Forget The Alamo
Ladies And Gentlemen...Monty Zuma!
The Time Squad is called to seek out Blackbeard the pirate on a "repeat offender" charge. They soon after have another call to help out the Greek philosopher Socrates, which becomes a disaster when Blackbeard escapes. The guys have to hunt Blackbeard down through Ancient Greece as he leaves clues to his whereabouts.
At home Tuddrussel is showing Otto the extra rooms on board the satellite that he hasn't seen before.
This includes an ice rink, which Larry uses in his free time; and a jail that's meant for "repeat offenders", historical figures who have refused to get right with history.
There is only one resident there and that is Mahatma Gandhi, who apparently doesn't want to lead his people and instead wants to just tap dance. Otto notes that he seems kinda lonely, and Tuddrussel states that he'd love to put someone else away to keep him company as the prison facility is practically "going to waste". When the alarm then goes off and the Time Squad hurries to the control room, they discover that their mission is to seek out Blackbeard once more.
When the guys zap down to 1718 to an island in the Caribbean, they discover that Blackbeard has not only gone back on his word to be a ruthless pirate and went back to saving the environment, but he's abandoned his crew and ship altogether to form "Blackbeard's Panda Park", a nature preserve for pandas. Blackbeard is terrified that the Time Squad has come back on account of his shenanigans and flees the scene. But Tuddrussel manages to get a hold of him and locks him in handcuffs, all the while as Blackbeard swears that the "pandas are just a hobby" and that he truly is buccaneering for real this time. Tuddrussel doesn't believe him and orders him to come with them.
As the mission to capture Blackbeard closes, Larry's computer alerts him to a new mission involving Socrates, in 399 BC, Ancient Greece. Seemingly with no other choice, the squad takes Blackbeard with them. They arrive in a bustling Greek city, where immediately they find Socrates and his followers on exercise bikes, and it becomes clear that Socrates is a fitness instructor. Tuddrussel walks up to Socrates with Blackbeard in tow and demands that he stops exercising at once and start teaching philosophy instead. Socrates quips, "Yeah, over my dead body." and that leaves Tuddrussel to calmly jam a policeman's club into the spokes of Socrates' wheel, causing him to fall off and painfully land on the ground. Socrates is apparently not a complete idiot like most of the people that the guys run into, and right away decides it's best to listen to Tuddrussel's advice and go into teaching philosophy.
But then as Tuddrussel decides that it's time to transport Blackbeard, Larry is horrified to discover that Blackbeard is no longer with them. Somehow while the guys were handling Socrates, Blackbeard managed to escape the handcuffs and run off. They didn't have to look very far, as Otto pointed out. They see Blackbeard petting a deer over on a hill, and Tuddrussel attempts to shoot him with his phaser, but misses, letting Blackbeard run off into hiding.
The go after him, even printing out wanted posters and asking people questions. Immediately it becomes clear that it'll be easy to find the man because he keeps trying to save the planet through vigilant social justice means; such as beating up a woodsman for cutting down trees, and having a"Adopt-a-Highway" litter cleanup sign under his name, and releasing all of the animals from the testing lab, and busting open dams and spray painting "Let rivers run free", and then throwing red paint on women's fur coats.
At one point, Tuddrussel thought he finally found Blackbeard at a protest, but it turned out to be someone else who happened to have the exact same outfit. The man pepper sprays Tuddrussel, making him cry out in immense pain. The protesters hear his screams, and proceed to beat him up as he writhes on the ground helpless.
The guys take a break from searching so Larry can help Tuddrussel heal from his random beating. They talk amongst themselves and wonder what they're going to do about the situation with Blackbeard. Otto stands by as the two talk and looks over to see a dog tied to a column, pitifully out of reach of a water bowl. Tuddrussel suggests that they just leave Blackbeard in Greece and pretend that the whole thing never happened.
Blackbeard had been hiding in the shadows near by, probably watching them to evade capture. He reveals himself at his expense after seeing the dog suffer for far too long and he couldn't stand it any more so he draws out his sword and cuts the dog's leash to let it reach the bowl. Otto alerts Tuddrussel and Larry that Blackbeard is right across the street, but Blackbeard manages to run off again. This time he swings from a banner and onto a chariot and attempts to ride his way to freedom.
The Time Squad is not far behind, as they immediately get into the other horse drawn chariot and go after him. Tuddrussel tries to shoot the chariot but misses, and after a few other obstacles that have managed to keep Blackbeard riding, all of this comes to a complete halt when a cat stops right in front of the horse's path. Blackbeard ends up crashing in order to avoid running over the cat. A dazed Blackbeard is apprehended by Tuddrussel, who tells him that his "planet saving days are over".
He's taken back to the satellite's jail and we see that he's going to have a miserable time being stuck in the same place as Gandhi, who is enjoying the fact that Blackbeard gets annoyed whenever Gandhi flushes the toilet because it "wastes precious water resources" and therefore Gandhi takes the opportunity to troll him relentlessly while safely behind bars on the other side of the room.
The Time Squad watches before leaving them. Otto asks how long they're keeping Blackbeard, with Tuddrussel to state "Til' he learns the error of his ways." and promptly walks off with Larry to go off and ignore the inmates once again. Otto trails behind to say "That could be a while. . ." leaving the two repeat offenders to work out their differences behind bars.